What are we doing that's wrong?

First topic message reminder :

Greg announced a ROKC book which will remove the most stubborn stains. Some however, are so ingrained and plain fucking wierd they deserve there own thread when you come across them. Here's a starter.

JESUS CHRIST, ALEX!!! YOUR GOING TO WATCH CRICKET ....IN MANCHESTER.....IN JUNE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If you make it past Preston without sinking i'll expect to see your name on the new years honour list.
Bon voyage.

Suddenly the prospect of an afternoons cricket doesn't seem quite so enticing..maybe I'll stay home instead..my collection of WW1 era mustard gas shells need polishing..the Glasgow Women's Guild always reenact the first day of the battle of the Somme in July and i get t play Hauptmann Fritz von Doyle..the infamous nipple nobbler of Nuremberg.
I haven't heard such a ringing endorsement since since Congressman Albert called the Whitehouse. "Sure Jack come on down t Texas"..

FWIW Alex......Sir Don Bradman once led his team off the Old Trafford ground in a small flotilla of rowing boats because he noticed Len Hutton was drowning. Middle of June 1936......just sayin'

Halcyon days indeed....just a couple of years before Sir Len headed down t the Oval..364 not out..i think they probably flooded the ground on purpose..Sir Don was the Brian Doyle AND the John Butler of batsmen..he saw the ball as large as a 300lb woman in a Johnny Cash car when everyone else just saw a slim dark haired chap with a receding hairline..
Thanks for the tip anyway Steely..if you see an upturned life raft drifting by with a soggy Scotsman and a colony of irascible iguanas( John Butler had promised them a trip t Texas t meet a particularly sultry chameleon..the Marilyn Monroes of small lizards) clinging t his back give me a wave..

Dez Dan thinks Joe should change his photo.....and India should bat first. Weather permitting. Stooly Dan (adopted by Mad Mary) prolonged the discussion by constantly harping on about some guy called Lee. The Davidson book, Math Made Easy, finally settled him......along with a right hook from Ma. "Ginger twat" I heard her mutter as she licked blood off her knuckles.

PAGING DR DAN..PAGING DR DAN..
We have a potential situation developing..a Bill Miller wannabe has descended from the bushy undergrowth of Mount Meredith( or as Chief Bumfuckums tribe called it- Very Busyum Loyers Mound). After spending 4 nights running naked round the nipplelike peaks, all 3 of them, he has decided t share his wisdom with his fellow truth seekers on the Ed forum.
Following the example of his celebrated forebears Shitting Bull Jefferies, Bald Scrotum Burnham and Big Chief Little Dickie Gilbride..Michael " Bareback" Clark, has decided t share his wisdom via the medium of the riddle.
Imagine LarryTrotterImage playing the Riddler in a David Cronenberg remake of Batman" The PreOp Years"...
He has asked us what the assassination has in common with the bikini and...wait for it..The Fonz from Happy Days..
Johnny Butler, we hardly knew ye..Come back all is forgiven
After reading Bareback Clark's bizarre excretion that sounds like a crossword clue from a hard core puzzle book( imagine the word searches and the mazes..it would be like Sanibel Island back in the 70s..before the advent of LadyShave) Johnny Cash cars and vanishing Ladies in Black suddenly seem eminently rational.
Bikinis and the Fonz for fuck sake whats next..Big Bird from Sesame Street and colostomy bags...T.J. Hooker and double headed dildos..
However ridiculous i try t be the fucking muppets on the Ed forum make me sound like some assistant regional manager from Smegma..America's newest most effective disinfectant..kills 95% of all known troll punk saboteurs..or your money back.
I think your initial question Steely..."What are we doing wrong?" has become some profound metaphysical statement..

alex wilson wrote:Bikinis and the Fonz for fuck sake whats next..Big Bird from Sesame Street and colostomy bags...T.J. Hooker and double headed dildos..

Made this one a few years ago but never posted it. 

Brian's thinking" Either this is the biggest fucking gerbil in the world or mommies put LSD in my cornflakes again" or " i told Larry not t use the gerbil food mom brought back from Chernobyl" or " Nice t see you again Judy..you're really looking great. Have you lost a bit of weight?". Or even " That's the last time I'm letting Larry pick us up some hookers" Larry " I asked for clarification and you definitely said you wanted a big bird"
Big Bird looking down Brian's trousers" i know the early bird usually catches the worm but this is fucking ridiculous"
Brian looking down Big Bird's pants" The last time i sucked cock i nearly choked on the feathers...fuck knows what I'm going t do now"
Big Bird.."Happy Easter Brian from all your friends at ROKC!"
Big Bird.." This is what happens kids if you smoke too much Sanibel Gold and hang out with Lemkin on Deep Foo"
Evelyn" One's a big yellow chicken with an unwipeable asshole..and the other stars on Sesame Street"
Brian" John Butler told me t ask you where you were at 12.30 on 22nd November 1963"
Big Bird" What the fuck was i drinking last night?"
Brian" Play it cool Buster..i think this could be the one"
Brian" Hi Larry, you kinda look a little different from your photo"
Brian" I've feathers just like yours growing round my ass"
Big Bird" Son, your mommie didn't tell you everything about the birds and the bees"

Dennis Hopper"...and that's why i never took acid again"
Brian.." Don't worry folks.." Arbeit Mach Frei" is Native American for Sanibel Island
Guy pointing" Is that where you buried Oscar the Grouch and Elmo Brian?"
Big Bird "You mean the guy driving the truck is Brian fucking Doyle"
Guy pointing" He's got marijuana plants this fucking high"
Big Bird" i don't give a fuck....last time the cunt got me down in his basement i was spitting feathers for weeks"
John Butler " A pointing man in a hat, a dark complected woman, a bizarre goggle eyed yellow assed freak and Big Bird were seen fleeing from Dealey Plaza in a pick up truck"
Guy pointing" You better knot your feathers buddy the guy driving the truck is going t take you over there and rape the shit out of you"
Guy pointing" Hey Brian i can see your basement from here"
Woman and Big Bird" Oh fuck IT IS Brian Doyle driving the truck"
Guy pointing" yeh he picked us up too, he's dropping us over there"
Brian" As soon as the ruhypnol kicks in the big yellow chicken is getting its asshole pummeled"
Guy pointing" Yeh they buried Albert Doyle over there..its is son driving the truck"
Woman and Big Bird "OH HOLY FUCKING SHIT THE GUY REALLY IS BRIAN DOYLE"

I think I may have been away much longer than I originally thought... time warps being tighter in this Burg than my usual head wraps.

The thread tepidly asks "What Are We Doing That's Wrong?" and yet the posts decry such being even ballpark (or cricket-pitch, if you will). This is a far funnier bogie than I recall the old stodgy ROKC to have been (and, believe me, we were definitely not yer average schoolyard boys back in the day).

I am enticed (well, almost in any event) to return here a bit more regular like and peruse the banality. I've not had as good a chuckle since we went Tiger hunting (a la Gilbride) or first parsed the sun-sheer with the Sanibel teletubby.

Yes, there are still some decent research going on but threads like this are really the gristle a serious researcher can sink his teeth into.

Well done, is all I can add.

It's your fellow musketeers fault..until i discovered ROKC I was a fine upstanding church going Prayerman denying disciple of the Foo.
Then Stan corrupted my mind with his blasphemous imagery and Steely with his lewd libidinous filth diverted my pen from writing praises t the One True Armstrong.
Before i knew it I was frequenting some Aussie troll site writing smutty ditties about a much beloved children's TV character..and Big Bird..
Before you know it I'll be on Macraes Imaginarium teasing Tovarisch Tom Graves about his new Russian mail order bride..
And boy wasn't he surprised when "she" turned out t b a gruff voiced 17 stone 6 foot 5 inch cowboy hat and shades wearing pig farmer from Merediths Nipple, New Mexico called Sandy...