Battle of the Duds

There is a quiz show here in Oz called Hard Quiz - conceived and hosted by a comedian who specializes in clever insults. 

Contestants nominate a special subject (could be anything from Crabs of the Solomon Islands to Season 46 of Survivor) and answer a series of questions on that subject. Then they answer a series of questions on a topic nominated by the host. The lowest score at the end of these rounds gets eliminated. The next round is general knowledge and again, the lowest (accumulated) score is eliminated. The last two standing then go head to head on their original subjects, but with much much harder questions on those subjects. Throughout the show, the host continually insults the contestants - who are allowed - and probably encouraged - to fire back insults at the host. 

Occasionally, they have a special version called Battle of the Duds where the most stupid, entertaining or popular losing contestants from previous shows are invited to come back and compete against each other.

Right now there is a thread at the Ed Forum where a ding dong Battle of the Duds is raging. "Mervylous" Marvin Haggler vs Linda "the Filibusterer" O'Hara.

Marvin's specialist subject is "How the Confessions of a Jailed Tomato Farmer Intersect with Shipping requirements of Special Anti-Castro Operations Circa 1960-64."

Linda's specialist subject is "Christmas Gift Datebooks of Restaurant Supply Companies given to Pirate Chefs circa 1962  and the Art of Pirouetting Around Transparency and Scrutiny".

WHO WILL WIN THIS ENTHRALLING BATTLE OF THE DUDS????
https://educationforum.ipbhost.com/topic/29550-the-time-has-come/

I haven't seen a more promising tv/ movie scenario/ pitch/ pilot since the newly discovered footage,  I remember watching in the mid 90s.

Apparently it was found,  buried under a gigantic pile of dried squirrel droppings and the half melted limbs of grotesquely disfigured wax mannequins 


Picture the scene: A pair of disheveled film students,  lost somewhere in the deepest darkest wilds of the Appalachian badlands -  no money,  no supplies,  no gasoline,  with a couple of flat tyres and an exhaust pipe stuffed full of bananas and the shrivelled mummified corpses of several furry forest dwelling critters..

As the sun sinks behind the gloomy forest shroud,  and the dank air suddenly bursts into life with the gibbering,  chattering and an eerily humanlike howling,  trying to ignore the swarms of fireflies,  dancing nimbly in between the sinister red eyes glaring out from behind the shadows and the gnarled trunks,as  they  approach a desolate shack , the students , a small shifty weasel featured Bostonian and a plump Texan  cowgirl,  begin arguing about their film project,  that HAS to be submitted next week:

" The Blair Snitch Project sounds like the title of a fucking porno flick and as for the Hairy Snatch Project and the the Fairy Batch Project? If you want to be dragged up before the SCOTUS, by a bunch of wizened old Right Wing fundamentalist prunes,  accused of attempting to violate the sanctity of   American Morality and Psychological Virginity go right ahead, by the way, what's that horrible smell? And what's hanging from the trees? They look like limbs and heads, severed limbs and  heads from dolls or something  and look at all these bones scattered around "

" It kinda looks like the place a witch , with a  particularly  hairy snatch  would live in...I got it now,  The Blair Bitch Project "

The door of the cabin creaks open, and a pair of bloodshot green eyes peer out .......

I think the Battle of the Duds could be made into a warm and fuzzy Sunday night comedy drama show. 

Bring Miss Marple and Hercule Poirot into the 21st century. 

Miss Mervynia Marmeduke Mockingbird Marple,  horticulturalist, homeopathic proctologist , ex prostitute and budding amateur sleuth and fellow competitor in the Conspiracies R Us section of Battle of the Duds, M Hercule Ccarrot Ppoirot ( 2 ccs and 2pps), aka Les Dawson- Sharp  aka the George O Hara Smith Singers aka Phen Joannides,  ex octopus trainer,  famous for juggling live squid and circus dwarves in various downmarket Vegas casinos,  a semi retired " Singing Hotel Receptionist", and another intrepid wannabe detective/ genealogist , they meet up after being eliminated in the 1st round of the Battle of the Duds,  sparks fly and the sexual tension crackles before they agree to pool their resources. 

Helped by Monte , Der Wunderhund,  once Bavaria's top sniffer dog,  leading the bitter struggle against sauerkraut smuggling ( Famously Monte tracked a stash of contraband sausage all the way from Munich to Montevideo), they set out to uncover and destroy the vast Nazi/ Mafia funded intercontinental tomato and bratwurst smuggling / assassin  training camp network,  masterminded by a shadowy one legged fat Nazi,  who cruises around the globe on his mysterious ghost ship , broadcasting ," all your favourite swinging easy listening hits from the 50s, 60s, 70s and 80s" Assisted by the velvet 'n' honey voiced " Seducer of the Seven Seas", DJ Stevie Gaal,  whose nightly blasts of subliminal propaganda , craftily disguised as Nazi Bingo,  " Find a Fuhrer, win a Ford! Bust a Braun and Bag a Bronco!, further enslave a population already bereft of hope,  slipping into a hellish netherworld of couch potato dom,  stuffing themselves with tomato ketchup drenched bratwurst whilst listening to the chorus of mockingbirds twittering away on the M$M

Only Miss Marple and M Ppoirot ( 2 pps) can save us all!!

By finding the one legged fat Nazi mastermind and the ghostly Olga Patricia.. Christened " The Lying Bitchman " by foul mouthed habituees of a notorious Aussie troll punk farm.

In the first week's episode M Ppoirot makes a stunning discovery..

Olga Patricia was actually the niece of the 4th cousin twice removed of the uncle of the gardener of the great grandfather of the cabin boy who was the brother of the friend of some salty old sea dog who played the hornpipe on the deck of the Marie Celeste,  exactly 4 years 321 days 20 hours and 34 minutes before she vanished. 

While Monte, his highly attuned " sausage senses" tingling follows the trail of a giant cache of bratwurst to the La Jolla trailer, belonging to Miss Marple's friend and fellow secret Fat Nazi LARPer,  Tommy Graves..

Monte bursts in just as Miss Marple is stuffing the bratwurst Tommy has just smothered in tomato sauce into his mouth,  Tommy looking like one third of a Francis Bacon triptych based on the Ugly Duchess,  resplendent in the full dress uniform of an SA Stabschef,  while Miss Marple is naked, except for a huge  pair of adult diapers with a twirly piggy tail , sticking,  rather provocatively out the rear, the quite frankly tumultuous slabs of glazed Fetzer like blubber glistening in the flickering red light..

Cue theme music 

Englebert Humperdinck's controversial mash up of " Tomorrow Belong to Me" , " ( Is this) The Way to Amarillo? and " The Horst Wessel Lied"

Gott ( und Armstrong) hab Erbarman

It will be a tie. Both will lose.

I just read that EF thread and feel like I need some Dramamine. Dizzying heights of... something. When I saw John Bevilaqua's name I was reminded of the EF ten or fifteen years ago when he would be all over it doing essentially what Leslie Sharp is doing now: creating a string of individuals and facts that leads nowhere.

But what is peoples' take on the Black Nine here on ROKC? Unrelated anti-Castro op or maybe something more?

rogerhucek wrote:I just read that EF thread and feel like I need some Dramamine. Dizzying heights of... something. When I saw John Bevilaqua's name I was reminded of the EF ten or fifteen years ago when he would be all over it doing essentially what Leslie Sharp is doing now: creating a string of individuals and facts that leads nowhere.

But what is peoples' take on the Black Nine here on ROKC? Unrelated anti-Castro op or maybe something more?

Roger, I could be suffering from an Acquired Brain Injury from lingering too long at other forums, but I'm not sure what your question is referring to. Can you clarify?