Skunk Smells - Math Sucks

3 + 3 = 6

6 blueberries rubbed on an old cloth

Cut the cloth in half and mail the two separate pieces in separate envelopes to the Director General of the BBC

Put half a blueberry in a jar of sand

Put the jar on a tube at Chancery Lane station

The tube travels 13.01 + 17.2 x 360 feet but the driver stops for a waffle at Bond Street

James Bond 007 - 006 = 001

001 002 003 004 005 slices of bacon (smoked)

Jar of sand arrives at Shepherd's Bush = 8.3

- To be continued (over the next 2-3 years)

* * Please feel free to post your own Chris Davidson inspired nonsense here on this thread.  

8 - 2 + 2 - 8 + 2 = Worcester Sauce

Film removal.
I removed the film from my Chicken Korma @ station 1 (kitchen) I placed the Korma into the microwave at 19;29 and set the timer for 6 minutes. A 19;35 I discovered I would need to clean the microwave.....and have a Pot Noodle instead.
Film removal was not necessary.
I am angry.

I never knew maths could be so much fun.

Zapruder = 70" tall.
140 Tic-Tacs = 1 Zapruder.

To be continued...

2 cheesburgers + 3 beers = Snack time + a nice nap

Solve the above equation for 1 cheesburger.

steely dan wrote:Film removal.
I removed the film from my Chicken Korma @ station 1 (kitchen) I placed the Korma into the microwave at 19;29 and set the timer for 6 minutes. A 19;35 I discovered I would need to clean the microwave.....and have a Pot Noodle instead.
Film removal was not necessary.
I am angry.

David 'The Fez' Joseph says:

"Awesome work Steely!    We are well on our way to cracking this thing wide open.  We already have anywhere between 2 and 36 Oswald doubles at play between 1895 and 1963 and we now have these exciting culinary developments.  The whole thing is unbelievable and once we get one of the major networks to pick this up and explain it all in a 378 part documentary we will be forever remembered as the guys who solved the case. #Excited:P #TheFez:geek: #Mathrules"

Sharon Horizons wrote:Zapruder = 70" tall.
140 Tic-Tacs = 1 Zapruder.

To be continued...

Chris 'The Swan' Davidson says:

"I think this needs more Tic-Tacs.  Maybe 147 will help things along.  And throw a Snickers in.  See what that does for the elevation of Zapruder."

Jake Sykes wrote:2 cheesburgers + 3 beers = Snack time + a nice nap

Solve the above equation for 1 cheesburger.

David 'The Fez' Josephs says:

"This is more amazing work!!    So excited to see the simplicity at the heart of matters here.  If this gets further developed, let's says 2.3 - 1.6 posts a day x 5 years divided by James Cagney's hat size, I think we will finally know how many birds were sat in the oak tree in front of the Texas School Book Depository.  Quick question though Jake.  Do the cheeseburgers have ketchup and mustard on them because this may affect the ratio of birds to branches minus one limousine and a rotating hula-hoop.  Agree?   "

If Shaneyfelt and West went east to west Galway then north to south Donegal and they arrive at night and sleep for seven hours - what wind direction is necessary for them to gain the benefit of wearing sunglasses the following morning?

Simple math helps us here:

The speed of the limo is 3.4mph - therefore in Dallas at 3:46pm the day before yesterday the boxes in the 6th floor window weigh 4lbs each if they are still there today but if they are no longer there today they weigh 0lbs each - so if we subtract seven contestants from The Price is Right and add them to an episode of Leave it to Beaver we gain the following elevation whilst stood on a carton of eggs:

3.4 human blinks x 569.06 car tyres - a bag of hedgehogs x the two Oswald's = 18.3 fps = Mild elevation in a stationary elevator to the power of 6

Be aware of the differences here.

Sunglasses can be worn whether the sun is out or not.  You can even wear them at night, in bed, while you are asleep.  So, the wind direction has very little bearing on the limo speed in west Galway.  3.6 breadcrumbs minus a grey cloud = John Connally's nose hairs 

The extant film is altered.

To be continued...

@station2 + 18-6ft we get .3367 (remember that number) which is the exact diameter of a Polo Mint. Can we pass a Uncle Joe's Mint Ball through it? Don't think so.
The splice in the Towner film occurs just as..........

Edit.
.3367 was wrong.
More later.

steely dan wrote:@station2 + 18-6ft we get .3367 (remember that number) which is the exact diameter of a Polo Mint. Can we pass a Uncle Joe's Mint Ball through it? Don't think so.
The splice in the Towner film occurs just as..........

Edit.
.3367 was wrong.
More later.

This needs more work.

The Uncle Joe's Mint Ball requires 356.7 sucks on it to fit through .3367 @Station 2.  Take the plat and turn it upside down.  Divide the width of a smoking gun by the daily consumption of grass by an average sized cow and you get the following:

Rumination x .3367 + 356.7 sucks - the diameter of one of Stormy Daniels' breasts = Station2@hotasianbabes.com

For those interested please see post #2 for more information on how we got to this point.

To be continued (for years).

I would like to say a big thank you to Tom Purvis who aggressively number crunched his way through this same cryptic horseshit for 22 years but then died having had no impact on proceedings whatsoever.  Well done Tom.  Time wasted + No Progress = A waste of a life.

The Prodigal Son wrote:

steely dan wrote:@station2 + 18-6ft we get .3367 (remember that number) which is the exact diameter of a Polo Mint. Can we pass a Uncle Joe's Mint Ball through it? Don't think so.
The splice in the Towner film occurs just as..........

Edit.
.3367 was wrong.
More later.

This needs more work.

The Uncle Joe's Mint Ball requires 356.7 sucks on it to fit through .3367 @Station 2.  Take the plat and turn it upside down.  Divide the width of a smoking gun by the daily consumption of grass by an average sized cow and you get the following:

Rumination x .3367 + 356.7 sucks - the diameter of one of Stormy Daniels' breasts = Station2@hotasianbabes.com

For those interested please see post #2 for more information on how we got to this point.

To be continued (for years).

I would like to say a big thank you to Tom Purvis who aggressively number crunched his way through this same cryptic horseshit for 22 years but then died having had no impact on proceedings whatsoever.  Well done Tom.  Time wasted + No Progress = A waste of a life.

Cheers Lee
I turned the plat upside down, deducted the wrapper dimensions and found....a rogue pair of pants in my sock drawer!

You all had me until the .3367 edit. This goes all the way back to the importance of the Tic Tac/Zapruder ratio, because it slightly alters the angle of the hypotenuse from the top of the Hertz sign (as measured from the upper western-most corner) to the center of the Stemmons Freeway sign. Awaiting a more precise number to solve the differential equation, which should be relatively straightforward assuming Stormy Daniels' breast measurements are accurate within ± 0.5 in.

hotasianbabes.com = doghouse - activity @station2.

The Prodigal Son wrote:

Jake Sykes wrote:2 cheesburgers + 3 beers = Snack time + a nice nap

Solve the above equation for 1 cheesburger.

David 'The Fez' Josephs says:

"This is more amazing work!!    So excited to see the simplicity at the heart of matters here.  If this gets further developed, let's says 2.3 - 1.6 posts a day x 5 years divided by James Cagney's hat size, I think we will finally know how many birds were sat in the oak tree in front of the Texas School Book Depository.  Quick question though Jake.  Do the cheeseburgers have ketchup and mustard on them because this may affect the ratio of birds to branches minus one limousine and a rotating hula-hoop.  Agree?   "

Oh, I agree with The Fez, absolutely. Sort of goes without saying actually. No offense to Joe Bro but, it was sort of obvious. Spot on with the birds to branches ratio, of course. Yes on the ketchup and mustard. We call it the ketchtard ratio here at Mathsucks Central. 

One point on daily consumption of grass by an average sized cow: If we integrate the Dealey Daily factor (accounting for the accelerated rate grass grows on Dealey Plaza and of course the naturally grassy knoll) over the width of the smoking gun with respect to the tic tac sucks, we find that the Stormy dimensions are duly affected in proportion to the ruminations. This should be very useful to Stan.


To be continued (and props to Purvis).

Stan Dane wrote:You all had me until the .3367 edit. This goes all the way back to the importance of the Tic Tac/Zapruder ratio, because it slightly alters the angle of the hypotenuse from the top of the Hertz sign (as measured from the upper western-most corner) to the center of the Stemmons Freeway sign. Awaiting a more precise number to solve the differential equation, which should be relatively straightforward assuming Stormy Daniels' breast measurements are accurate within ± 0.5 in.

Cowabunga Dude
Geometric triangulation between the Hertz sign, the Freeway sign and Elsie Dorman's earlobe means that .3367 + Stormy's chest (left one) +83 as the average contents of a tic tac pack.........well, I think we can conclude that the shutter speed of the B&H camera was wonky.

So it's back to the drawing board

Whilst measuring my drawing board (32 x 24 inches ÷ two pairs of odd shoe laces) I noticed the below frame from the Zapruder film and was shocked to discover that everyone within the frame is stationary: 



No one is moving.  So I measured their heads on my drawing board using tic-tacs and found, in relation to the size of the drawing board and the tic-tacs, that every single person in that limousine is tiny.  Like really small.  They could all fit in the palm of your hand.

Seriously.

So not only does this prove that the limo did, in fact, come to a complete stop but it also proves that the film was altered to insert some CIA genetically modified miniature people into the new version that we have all been hoodwinked into believing is the real Z-film.

You're welcome...

To be continued

steely dan wrote:

Stan Dane wrote:You all had me until the .3367 edit. This goes all the way back to the importance of the Tic Tac/Zapruder ratio, because it slightly alters the angle of the hypotenuse from the top of the Hertz sign (as measured from the upper western-most corner) to the center of the Stemmons Freeway sign. Awaiting a more precise number to solve the differential equation, which should be relatively straightforward assuming Stormy Daniels' breast measurements are accurate within ± 0.5 in.

Cowabunga Dude
Geometric triangulation between the Hertz sign, the Freeway sign and Elsie Dorman's earlobe means that .3367 + Stormy's chest (left one) +83 as the average contents of a tic tac pack.........well, I think we can conclude that the shutter speed of the B&H camera was wonky.

So it's back to the drawing board

Steely,

I have been searching Mary Ferrell and have found a photo of the B&H camera:



This may provide the evidence we needed that dishonest Abe, working in tandem with Black Dog Bazooka Joe, was possibly firing poisoned or even exploding cigarettes at the limousine.

Thoughts?

The Prodigal Son wrote:

steely dan wrote:

Stan Dane wrote:You all had me until the .3367 edit. This goes all the way back to the importance of the Tic Tac/Zapruder ratio, because it slightly alters the angle of the hypotenuse from the top of the Hertz sign (as measured from the upper western-most corner) to the center of the Stemmons Freeway sign. Awaiting a more precise number to solve the differential equation, which should be relatively straightforward assuming Stormy Daniels' breast measurements are accurate within ± 0.5 in.

Cowabunga Dude
Geometric triangulation between the Hertz sign, the Freeway sign and Elsie Dorman's earlobe means that .3367 + Stormy's chest (left one) +83 as the average contents of a tic tac pack.........well, I think we can conclude that the shutter speed of the B&H camera was wonky.

So it's back to the drawing board

Steely,

I have been searching Mary Ferrell and have found a photo of the B&H camera:



This may provide the evidence we needed that dishonest Abe, working in tandem with Black Dog Bazooka Joe, was possibly firing poisoned or even exploding cigarettes at the limousine.

Thoughts?

HOLY SHIT! a poison delivery system disguised as a pack of Bangin' Headaches!!!!!
You have my attention, Lee. Varnell's also I reckon.
We need to make the math work.
We're all shit at math so it shouldn't be a problem.

Lee, I found this.

Mr Liebeler   So then what happened?

Mr Zapruder  Well I took the pack out, aimed and fired.

Mr Dulles   Can we go off the record?

Discussion off the record.

Mr Liebeler  So what happened next?

Mr Zapruder  I don't know, I don't smoke.

steely dan wrote:Lee, I found this.

Mr Liebeler   So then what happened?

Mr Zapruder  Well I took the pack out, aimed and fired.

Mr Dulles   Can we go off the record?

Discussion off the record.

Mr Liebeler  So what happened next?

Mr Zapruder  I don't know, I don't smoke.

OMG
That is so fricken' funny!

You guys literally caused my stomach to hurt laughing at this. I swear this is Chris to the T....Lee I HAVE to know the comedic genius motivation for your creating this topic. We’re you just thinking about Chris’ contributions?  This is hilarious as hell!

Great work! It's good to see the topic treated with the seriousness it deserves. Thanks to your contributions, there is now a 50:50 chance that the 'math rules' thread will produce a conclusion by the time of the 100th anniversary in 2063.

Has anyone else noticed the eerie similarity between 'black dog man' and a bag of hedgehogs? Can it really be a coincidence that the Hungarian refugee Oswald impostor was photographed at the Bronx Zoo on the very day that several hedgehogs went missing? I think not!

"Oswald" with the mother of all noses